Volume X: Camelot's New Regime

Elections and Appointments for Camelot's Future

Our new council was sworn in this week. None were heard louder than Daphney Portis, proudly declaring her passion for upholding Camlotian values.

Pastor Bri Thomas and Will Lane both ran for mayor. Thomas proclaimed she has stronger values and would not sway from them. Lane complimented his opponent and declared he would use his experience to vote in favor of public opinion. Lane utilized Selena Gomez's tactic of "kill em with kindness," ultimately beating Thomas for the position.

Many good men and women were nominated for planning commission, including both the previously removed Friday and Greene. The council, overwhelmed by a large influx of nominees, increased the planning commission to 5 members. 

The first three elected commissioners are:
Jordan Doggett, freelance artist supporting private homeowner rights
Brittany King, real estate big wig
John Greene, geographer and past commissioner

 After a run-off, President of the League of Women Voters Annie Swords and former councilman Tyler Norris secured the last two seats.

Volume IX

New Strip Mall Approved
Unanimous approval in the council changed zoning regulations for a proposed strip mall development.

ELECTION RESULTS: NORRIS TRUMPED BY COOK  
Of the four seats up for election, here are the victors:

Seat 1: Incumbent Will Lane
Seat 2: Incumbent Caitlyn Martin
Seat 3: Unopposed Bri Thomas
Seat 7: Former Planning Commissioner Shelby Cook defeats incumbent Tyler Norris 

Seats 4, 5, and 6 remain held by Connor Livings, Daphney Portis, and Nick Skoneki.

Mayor Bibbee Steps Down
Mayor Bibbee stepped down from her role as both councilwoman and mayor and announced her dedication to her new organization, Conservatives for Camelot.  Follow them on twitter @A_New_Camelot for entertaining and extremist taglines.  Elections to fill the vacant mayor position will be held next week, chosen among the newly elected council.

"Clean House!" Entire Planning Commission Fired
Welby was quick to raise new business last month, being the first to suggest removing Shelby Cook from the Planning Commission. Cook, fulfilling her role with wisdom from her finance background, stated she strives to keep her opinion separate to follow rules and existing zoning regulation.  Friday agreed, leaving Greene the odd man out supported by the council.

City Manager Tayler Hames cleared her name of any existing corruption allegations.  She asserted the council needs to be able to trust the planning commission, but the commissioners have not been performing.  Following the cry of Will Lane, the council voted to "clean house!" and fire the entire planning commission.  New commissioners will be appointed following the swearing in of next term's council.  Luckily, Cook already has another job lined up.

 

EXTRA: Corruption in Camelot

An anonymous source reached out to CamelotLive to warn citizens of corruption and machine politics happening in our beloved town of Camelot.  The city manager sent her henchman Welby to various council members, strongly encouraging them to vote in accordance with the director of planning commission's proposal.  

"Support of the director of planning commissions proposal will result in support from him and the assistant City manager. If you vote in opposition, be warned."

 

What could this mean for our growing city? Can we still trust in democracy? And are Friday, Cook, or Greene involved in this as well?  Stay tuned as CamelotLive gets to the bottom of this fishy situation.

 

Volume VIII

Councilor Positions Up for Reelection
The time has come to vote on new members to fill seats 1, 2, 3, and 7. In this re-election the mayor spot is open. That means Councilmen Tyler Norris and Will Lane, and Councilwoman Caitlyn Martin and Mayor Katie Bibbee will all be up for re-election. One hopeful for council is Pastor Bri, who also intends to run for mayor.

Strip Mall Development Issue

A similar strip mall to the one proposed 

Crown Development Corporation has proposed the idea of building a strip mall. A few things will have to be done for them to be able to accomplish the plan. There must be a an interstate highway exchange in a close area, and it must be on an area with 30 acres or more. The problem is that there is only one space big enough to hold the strip mall and a parking that is near an interstate. Crown Development does own the 35 acre lot, but they intended on building something else, but now they have decided it is perfect for the strip mall. They only need a zoning change from R-1 to C-3.  

Drug Testing Proposal
Mayor Bibbee's term may be coming to an end, but she is holding on by her fingernails to any influence she can get.  Bibbee has teamed up with City Manager Tayler Hames in response to rumors of drug use among City of Camelot employees.  This proposal would require city employment applicants to undergo drug testing for prohibited substances, as well as testing for existing employees at the discretion of their department director. 

Before and after effects of drug abuse.

Planning Commission Denies Another Variance Request
Ryals Smith, president of Data Tech Corporation, presented a zoning appeal to the planning commission last week.  He wished to construct an addition to his house so his mama wouldn't have to live in the basement anymore.  However, the council did not grant him special circumstance to build, as it would violate the minimum required distance from the back of your house to the street (30 ft).  Smith appeared very confused about the difference between the side and the back of his house.

Volume VII

Noise Ordinance
The City Council voted in favor of a noise ordinance. The ordinance states that from 12 a.m. through 6 a.m., noise should be kept to a certain complaint-driven level at the neighbors and officers' discretion.  See chart below for reference.

Eminent Domain or Huge Pain?
The fifth amendment of the US Constitution grants the government the right to seize private property (with compensation) for public use. With this in mind, Crown Real Estate has undertaken a huge endeavor towards Camelot’s future. 50 properties currently make up the land for a proposed mega shopping area, which will drastically revitalize Crown Knolls and supply jobs and tax dollars to our beloved city. 45 property owners have agreed to sell, which leaves 5 dissatisfied and outraged citizens. These citizens include homeowners and small business owners. Will our council approve the use of eminent domain to seize this property and sell it to Crown Real Estate to be revitalized? Or will they go against such a drastic change to our small-town atmosphere? Contact your district councilor and let them know how YOU want them to vote. 

Couches in the Yard
The citizens of Camelot have seen a rise of used, worn out couches on neighbors porches. Mostly those of younger college students who live in housing around the college. Neighbors are worried about the houses looking run down, and other sanitation issues etc. that would affect their property value other than having college students living next door. The planning commission will discuss and decide on the issue in the next meeting.

Two dudes, a surprise pupper, and their couch.

"You can't take my guns and you can't take my couch!"

CSU Boys protest and show their love for the "pouch" (porch couch)

Resolution for CSU and CFD 
The entire council was shocked last week when the president of CSU began apologizing profusely for running over the Camelot Fire Department’s hose. After scrambling to make excuses, President Kayla Whatley apologized and opened up about her restless leg syndrome. She initially declined to pay for the damaged fire hose before changing her mind. Students, parents, and gentry alike are so relived this issue was settled in such a civilized manner. 

Massage Mobile
Now announcing the brand new Massage Mobile! TWO FOR THE PRICE OF ONE now through December. Just dial 334MASSAGE and we will bring our uncertified massage van to you. It's just like an ice cream truck but better because you get to come inside the van.

Volume VI

Housing Ordinance Failed
Creative homeowners rejoice as they are allowed to paint their houses HOWEVER they want as long as it does not interfere with any singed HOA agreements.  Home Depot and Lowe's are having sales on paint through the end of this month to encourage citizens to express themselves publicly. 

Explicit Art Update
Mayor Bibbee expressed an apology for anyone who may have been offended by the fact she was offended by the art museum's obscene exhibit.  Pastor Bre took a live poll which indicated that most citizens agree the exhibit was obscene, but people still want their taxes to fund the museum.  The council voted and agreed to continue funding. 

No Breastfeeding Allowed in Businesses
The owner of Camelot Bar and Grill was granted the variance of extending his kitchen, but The Council turned down the second variance permitting toplessness. The City Manager is drafting an ordinance to ban toplessness in a business. This also means that women will not be able to breastfeed in public businesses.

Noise Ordinance 

The police chief has brought up the idea of establishing a noise ordinance. The major decided that the citizens of Camelot should vote for adopting a noise ordinance, and the majority of citizens voted in favor of having a noise ordinance. The City Council now has to decide what penalties should be put in place for violating the ordinance, and whether enforcement will be complaint driven, or the product of routine enforcement patrols. The president of Camelot State University voiced her opinion against the noise ordinance idea.

Fire Dept Fires Camelot State U
Tensions rose last month when the president of Camelot State University intentionally drove his car over a fire hose being inspected by Camelot Fire Department.  The fire chief spoke directly with the university president, and the president refused to apologize for his thoughtless act.  Fire department personnel have voted to discontinue their contract with CSU, and it is up to the Council to decide if they will accordingly force CSU to provide its own fire protection services. 

Volume V

What Happened at City Council Meeting? 

PICTURED: Pastor Bre
Does Mayor Bibbee really care?
You decide by the look on her face.

Mayor Bibbee presented about the obscene photos at the Art Museum, but does she actually care?. Mr. Buentello is the Director of Camelot Art Museum. The President of CSU brings out that her LGBTQ community is upset, and Mayor Bibbee calling it a "den of sin" is wrong.


You Painted Your House What Color?
Some citizens are calling for stricter building regulations in residential areas in response to three unusually painted houses. One lavender home owner feels that, as it is his property, he should be able to paint it whatever color he wants. Jordan Doggett, a freelance artist, feels as if neighbors need to "lighten up," about her stripped house. Painted lady house owner believes home owners have the right to change their own boring houses. There are many people that are opposed to having brightly colored houses. "This could be the way of the future. This is now!" states Sam Bullinger.

Josh Anthony's Shameless Bar & Grill
In this week's commission meeting, we can expect to hear about Mike's Topless Bar and Grille.  Josh Anthony is applying for a zoning variance to allow him to expand his kitchen into the already inadequately sized parking lot.  Several attempts were made to obtain a quote from Anthony, but he refused to comment on the situation.  Anthony doesn't take women seriously and probably would have had more respect for a male reporter.

Josh laughs at gender equality.

Dear City of Camelot,
I just wanted to publicly say I stand by my decisions in bringing the exhibit to the Camelot Art Museum. While it may seem offensive to some people, we must keep in mind that art is art. Artist have their own interpretations of what they perceive as art, and bringing a world renowned artist like William James and his paintings into Camelot is an honor. It would be unfair to cut funding for the museum just because a few people were offended by a temporary exhibit.

     Thank you, 

          Niko Buentello

          Art Director

Censorship ruins art

Fall Festival this Weekend

Come join your neighbors downtown this Friday night to celebrate Camelot's cooler weather and changing seasons. Family friendly events and games will start in the Park at 4:00 pm, with costume contest winners being announced at 7 pm. Live music and vendor booths will continue until 9. This event is sponsored by the Camelot Art Museum and the African Methodist Episcopalian Church.